SPENDING AND PAY
David Moyes to bring in more in sales than he spends on purchases. Targetting unknown assets from poorer countries. David Moyes pay to rise, while other top earners will be sold.
New investors to be put off by high spending costs
HOUSING
Club to blame aging Goodison Park for failing to sell the club although Mortgage costs due to rise. New Homes to be looked at, mulled over and then abandoned.
JOBS
Employment contract for Phil Neville to be cut, while new employment contracts offered to key players. Marouanne Fellaini to find a job elsewhere
TAX AND DUTY
Watching Everton to become even more taxing as duty to challenge for silverware is scrapped
ENERGY AND THE ENVIRONMENT
Fines for any player showing less energy than Johnny Heitinga
Climate of fear to remain for league cup ties
INFLATION
Inflated reputation of top 4 finish to be shattered within weeks of new season. Inflated cost to buy the club will mean that net transfer spend remains on a plateau.
PENSIONERS
Phil Neville to finally be pensioned off
You’re on drugs… But funny